The Legend Of Zelda: Idiots Of Hyrule
by TombZelda02
Summary: Uh...its just a random story, but since the first chapter wouldnt load, i will put the second one first, dont worry you dont miss much THIRD CHAPTER UP!
1. The Village Idiot

The Legend Of Zelda: Idiots of Hyrule  
  
Chapter I: The Village Idiot  
  
Hello!! It's me, TombZelda02, aka, Tomby, and I have another fic for all the world to see. It is a comedy, and uh..i am still working on my other fic: The Legend Of Zelda: The Battle of The Ages, I just needed to make a comedy for the sake of it.  
  
Anyway I hope you like this story, and uh.it is random. And it will be in Script Style.  
  
The story begins in Kakariko Village.  
  
OH, and uh.Link is walking up to Impa's house.  
  
Link-::knocks on the door ever-so loudly:: IMPA!!-  
  
Impa-::Answers door, with a bathing cap on:: Huh.what? ::looks down:: Oh, Link,.. ::pause for effect::  
  
Random people-GET ON WITH IT.-  
  
More Random people-YEAH, GET ON WITH IT!! ::Starts throwing rocks at me::  
  
Link-o.0?? We're talking-  
  
Tomby-Yes, yes-  
  
Impa-What do ya' want?-  
  
Saria walks into the "scene"  
  
Saria-I was just in the, aw what the hell, I need some sugar-  
  
Impa-Well so much for manners-  
  
Saria-Yeah, well, I need it now-  
  
Link-Hey Saria-  
  
Saria-:: -.- :: You again, didn't you get the message when we left all that disturbing email on your computer?-  
  
Impa-I don't need this- ::walks into her house::  
  
Link-Impa, wait..aww, now look was ya' did, Saria-  
  
Door opens, and a bagy thingy of sugar is thrown at Saria's face.  
  
Saria-Its hard enough to keep my body like this, ::turns to link:: Now im gonna have to get hylian surgery again!-  
  
Monkey from Zelda 2 appears  
  
Saria-::looks down at the monkey:: Okay, what the hell is a monkey doing in Kakariko Village?  
  
Link-Well whats a three hundred-year-old-girl-but-looks-like-a-little-girl doing in this story?-  
  
Saria-They had no one else, besides, ive been in the business longer, baby. ::she blinks concededly::  
  
Link-All I wanted was to ask Impa for a couple of pounds of ground beef, and a chain saw, but little miss green haired retard showed up.  
  
Guy (lets call him bob) from the tower looking thingy-Im on top of the world!-  
  
Link pulls out his arrows and bow and shoots the guy. The guy dies  
  
Nabooru-awwwwwwwwwww  
  
Link-_  
  
Impa walks out of her house again, but this time with a towel around her waist.  
  
Zelda shows up in a blue outfit.  
  
Zelda-^_^ Hows everyone doing?-  
  
Impa-OH god, now her? Look I already dealt with you, please leave me alone.  
  
Nabooru-What the hell is wrong with you?-  
  
Link walks into Imp'a house and sits on her bed.  
  
After about an hour of sitting there without blinking, our little hero decides to take a walk around the kakariko Village.  
  
Mikau appears in front of him, while Link is trying to get a rupee from a crow.  
  
Mikau-Link, urgent news, you're a dumbass-  
  
Link-OMG, that sounds serious, we better take him to the E.R.-  
  
Mikau-E.R??? o.0 What is this E.R??-  
  
Link stares into nothing, then blinks NOT simultaneously-Uh..a place that people get fixed at, and uh..a place in the distant future..::another pause for effect::  
  
Mikau-Hold on..::gets out a needle:: Does that mean that I get to poke you?-  
  
Just at that second, nothing happened, we will keep you notified if anything does, and while we wait, you can listen to one of our "wait-for- the-story-to-go-on-music" And it happens to be one of Link's favorite.  
  
Link-oo. ABC'S AND THE ROGERS, ROGEY!!! ROCK ON!!  
  
Music:A, b, c, d, e, f, g, lets go out and free a bee!! ROCK ON!!  
  
Link-::@_@ ooh.. My favorite!!-  
  
Music-And when the daily lamas appear!! And the goats, and the monkeys, and the horses, and the ..  
  
Link-My other favorite part!!-  
  
Music-::skip, plays backwards::  
  
Link-Funny Ive never heard this part before-  
  
Music-YOU SHALL DIE SOMETIME, AND WHEN YOU DO, THE WORLD WILL END-EN-END! AND EVEN THOUGH YOU THINK YOUR SPECIAL, YOUR NOTHING BUT A LIE!!! OH YEAH, ROGEY, I THINK IM GONNA DIE!!  
  
Link-.....-  
  
Mikau-Me neither, good thingy that it was so funny-  
  
Link-They lied to me? BASTARDS THEY LIED TO ME!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-  
  
Link becomes a dongogo and starts chewing up the place.  
  
Mikau-He never ceases to amaze me-  
  
Mikau walks away and disappears because the studio people are really cheap and cant record him that long.  
  
After about five hours of Dongogo chewing, Link turns back into his stupid self.  
  
A day passed and Link didn't do anything. Literally, he just sat in Impa's bed, just looking out into nothing, he didn't even blink, creepy I know.  
  
Impa was bored of watching her pot on her stove to see if the water would boil.  
  
Impa-I guess the rumors were true, wow that changes life in Hyrule as we know it.- Ten minutes later she was back watching the pot and hoping it would boil. It turns out she didn't even have the stove on.  
  
Saria walks into Impa's house-DIE, DIE FOR THE SUGAR WAS BROWN SUGAR!! MUHAHAHAHAH::puff:: ::puff:: AHEM!! MUHAHAHAHA!!  
  
End Of Chapter-----------------------  
  
Well I hoped you liked it, it may not be funny until the SECOND time you read it, or if you are high, but don't worry I wasn't high when I wrote this, and I don't get high, I have too much to do to do stupid things. Next Chapter: Chapter II Saria: Is it brown because of dirt, or is it brown because of...?  
  
~Tomby 


	2. SariaIs it brown because of the dirt or ...

The Legend Of Zelda: Idiots Of Hyrule  
  
Chapter 2: Saria-Is it brown because of the dirt or is it brown because of..?  
  
Well how was da first one? I thought it was good. But hey im da writer so who cares what I think, right? Anyway here is another chapter to be read in a nano second, let the lama drying begin!!  
  
Impa-What the hell is wrong with you?-  
  
Saria-Nothing, I just wanted a good closing statement for the last chapter, that way it could optimize the reader to read again-  
  
Impa-0.o??  
  
Link-Wow, what a moment-  
  
Just at that second, something does happen, but it went too fast so I wont tell you what happened. Why am I so cruel, because I can be!  
  
Just then Nabooru walks in  
  
Nabooru-Hey have you seen Mikau, hey Impa your hair, aww what the hell, I need some money-  
  
Impa-What the hell is up with all these demands?-  
  
Nabooru-Now woman!-  
  
Impa-.  
  
Saria-Put a smile on  
  
Impa-^_^  
  
Saria-Dumbass, it was just a song!-  
  
Link-Lemme guess from da future?-  
  
Nabooru-No, from MAC Donalds, witch reminds me.(no it is a made up place in my mind, hee hee, I think ill have some fries.hehe..)  
  
Impa-Don't you mean "which"?-  
  
Nabooru-Same difference-  
  
Saria and Link become confused because of their very, very, very, VERY tiny brains  
  
Saria and Link-"Same difference"?-  
  
Rauru pops up out of nowhere  
  
Rauru-Abc, its easy as one two three, and we have your other favorites as well, such as: I Feel good duh nuh nuh nuh nuh, and for those gentle ones: You are so beautiful, to me..  
  
Impa and the rest of them-o.0???? What the hell are you doing?-  
  
Zelda jumps out of impa's pot, which had water in it, she too was trying to see if it would boil  
  
Zelda-Well that was nice, but does anyone know how the sugar got brown?-  
  
Every one except Zelda-anime fall-  
  
Saria-I think it's because of when Link had to go to the bath room, and he couldn't wait.-  
  
Link-SARIA!! I TRUSTED YOU! I DIDN'T WANT TO FINISH THAT MR. GOOD BAR!! -(Copy right, the good bar company)  
  
Saria-Is it brown because of the dirt, or because of the..-  
  
Zelda-Maybe because of the brown ink they inject it with during the production process-  
  
Impa-Its not even brown!!! DAMMIT!! FUCKERS!! ITS NOT BROWN DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!-  
  
Impa becomes all sweaty like, and throws fire balls at everyone  
  
Darunia-I thought I was the sage of fire-  
  
Everyone-SHUT UP, NO ONE LIKES YOU AND YOU.UH.SUCK!!-  
  
Just then Impa explodes, leaving her entrails all over the place, it was really quite sickening  
  
Everyone-::throw up::  
  
Link-Wait a minute, theres a tag right next to Impa's bloody shoe-  
  
Zelda-Maybe that tag with the words "Made in japan" will lead us to a clue of where Impa got a replica of herself-  
  
Everyone-::anime fall::  
  
Zelda-It was just a thought-  
  
Everyone-::anime fall::  
  
Zelda-It was-  
  
Everyone-::anime fall::  
  
Zelda-Will you stop doing that?-  
  
Everyone-::regular fall::  
  
Zelda-Stop it!-  
  
Everyone-::regular fall::  
  
Zelda ends up making a orb of destruction and blows up the place  
  
Zelda-ooh.look at all the brunt-to-a-crisp-bodys  
  
Everyone-::regular fall::  
  
Zelda-AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Just then, at that point of time, in that second, of that hour, of that day, of that week, of that month, of that year, of that century  
  
Random people-Get on with it!!-  
  
Zelda flew out of the room, cussing very badly.  
  
Everyone-whoo hoo!! The bitch left!!!  
  
End of chapter-------------  
  
Well it wasn't as good, so uh.ill try harder on da next chapter  
  
Chapter 3: What the hell was wrong with you, when you did that?!  
  
~Tomby 


	3. What the hell was wrong with you when yo...

The Legend Of Zelda: Idiots of Hyrule  
  
Chapter 3: What the hell was wrong with you, when you did that?!  
  
Brought back by popular demand......okay so by one review, I have decided to write the next chapter...even though i abandoned this story ages ago...HERE IT GOES!..:D  
  
It was a peaceful day, ful of calm cool breezes...Link was at Lake Hylia, under the tree at that hill....it was spring, so the tree had leaves now....which made a very good shady-spot....  
  
Link-argh.....awww dammit! Why the hell cant I get a tan!   
  
Saria then just popped out of nowhere  
  
Saria-Your in the shade dumbass.  
  
Link-Why are you here? Wont you age if your out of the kokiri forest, or not in the chamber of the sages?  
  
Saria gets confused with the two question asking, so she did what anyone would could.  
  
She was going to psyche him out!  
  
Saria-.....yeah...well....HOW MUCH WOOD COULD A WOOD CHUCK CHUCK IF A WOOD CHUCK COULD(NT) CHUCK WOOD?!?!?! HUH CAN YOU ANSWER ME NOW?!?!?!  
  
Link-SUPER GASP!!!! :: runs off crying ::  
  
Saria-Well I've accomplished my goal in life....what do I do now? :: thinks :: :: thinks :: :: thinks :: Oh GAWD NO! :: explodes ::  
  
Link slowly walk out from behind tree....  
  
Link-:: looks at Saria's remains which is nothing but a lock of hair and a green thong :: whoa....w...h....o...a.....Saria.....I....didnt...know...You wear timmy hilefiger thongs girl? :: takes thong :: eehh hee hee....  
  
Just then Rauru finds something so unbelievably amazing that we will now tell you what happened.  
  
Zelda walks up to Rauru (they are in the temple of time) with a microphone which is made out of cardboard and fishbones (to produce the echo effect, duh! :D )  
  
Zelda-So Rauru, what is it that you found?  
  
Rauru-Well Zelda see--  
  
Zelda-Thats facinating! :: cocks head :: Now heres word from our sponsors. :: cheerleader laugh goes here ::  
  
Screen goes blank and then lights up again and shows Link sitting on the floor with a green thong in his hand.  
  
A very deep voice pops out of nowhere and talks to link (like in a commercial :: wink ::)  
  
Commerical Guy-Are very thin and uncomfortable undergarments rubbing _you_, the wrong way?  
  
Link looks up, and slowly nodds his head up and down.  
  
Commerical Guy-Do they leave you dry, itchy, and most of all, not prepared to sit and eat all day?  
  
Link looks up again and nodds his head up and down.  
  
Commerical Guy-Well then do I have a product for you!  
  
Link looks up  
  
Link-:: looks up and raises hands holding a bottle :: :: smiles like jessica simpson :: The activeX?  
  
music starts playing in the backround Dun doo dun doo doo  
  
:: in evanescence bring me to life beat ::  
  
Save me please, (save me please from there) I cant save myself, (save me please from there) Save meh! (call act'x and save yourself down there)  
  
Link appears dancing and doing all kinds of stupid things.  
  
ActiveX, "we've got a deal for you! :: wink ::"  
  
Commerical Guy-And now back the show...  
  
screen fades and is back to Zelda interviewing Rauru   
  
Zelda and Rauru are sitting on the floor and Rauru is crying, Zelda is trying to comfort her---I mean him.  
  
Zelda-And you say that you never saw it again?  
  
Rauru-n-n-:: sniff :: :: sniff :: no, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-II-I-I-I-I-I--  
  
Zelda-out with it boy!  
  
Rauru-I never got to see CATS from a front row seating position.  
  
Suddenly Link wakes up and notices that everything that you just read, you really didnt read....go back now..go back because you were never really here.........:: makes weird movements with fingers :: shingallyelawoof...you are gone.....;  
  
End of Chapter.  
  
Okay so it sucked. Well im half asleep right now, so yeah.  
  
Tomby 


End file.
